You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
