just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
