you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
