We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Couch. On fire.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
