Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
