Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
