Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
