Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
