The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
