Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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