Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
