All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It's blow job season.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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