k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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