you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
