We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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