Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
