Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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