you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
