I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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