i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
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