I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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