Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
