i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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