I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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