She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
