I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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