Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
