When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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