Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
