Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
