I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
