eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
