At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
