If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I checked into jail on foursquare
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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