if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
