soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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