i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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