even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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