Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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