Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
