piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
