Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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