You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
