You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
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As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
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You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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