And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
We're like a lot better than the average bears
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
