So drunk its hurt
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
