hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
