it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
