I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
