I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
