I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
