Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
