Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
