I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
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then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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