His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
