wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
