He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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