After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
