yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
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Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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