I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
