Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
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This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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