The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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