how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
