I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
