wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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