oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We had sex on a dog bed..
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
